She took my ability to die in the divorce

A few seconds of leaves falling.

My medieval and ancient ancestors watching me trying to charge my laptop and connect to WiFi: Ah, yes, she must feed her magic mirror on the telluric current and summon the spirits of knowledge from the aether.

My ancestors watching me proceed to doomscroll on Twitter: Alas! She is beguiled by the cruel babblings of the demons within the mirror; soon she will descend into melancholy from the things she has witnessed.

when a human infant is in the womb, moments from being be born, a vague figure of glowing amber light appears before them. in one hand, it holds a small soapstone carving of a coiled eel. in the other hand it holds a mortar and pestle made of polished red quartz. it bids the infant to choose between these two things, but we don't know the significance of this choice, because all babies throughout history with no exception have always picked the soapstone eel. so that's still one of the big mysteries out there.

I can’t even jerk off anymore it’s too fucking easy I win every time

Ive been taking a new drug called benadryl that makes you wake up twelve hours later with 99+ unread text messages

the elven wizard has sucked herself off ourobouros style and did a cum so hard she has erased herself from reality

this is why we dont have elves or wizards anymore

it's always an 'ohhhhhh' moment when you get a super annoying comment on a post (like someone misunderstanding a joke to the point where you're worried about their ability to fundamentally comprehend anything), and you go to block them, and.......they're a terf.

turn your waiters into haters by being annoying at their restaurant